I wanted to share one more post before I walk the plank. I am officially the princess of darkness. I wear only black like Angelina, I eat one meal a day because it is all I have time for and want, and I hate everyone and everything. So my day was brightened up a little when I got this video in my email. One of my girlfriends from college sent this to me today and it made me smile for a little bit. Just when I think Matt and I are a pair of Hippies, we really aren't, we just have some hipster tendencies. Though we have tried to come up with ways to make our wedding unique, we are still fairly traditional hippies (if that is possible??) I don't know if I could walk down the aisle like this, but the wedding party is awesome. This has to be one of the funniest groups of people I have ever seen.
A week from now this will be over.. Thank god.. See you all then.. Back to scowling in black like Angelina, minus the humanitarian work. I am focused solely on myself. As usual.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sounds About Right
A friend of mine posted this for all us in the last 7 day stretch. I thought I would share it with my fellow bloggers just so you may get a taste of how stupid this process is. You may not get the jokes from not going through my hell, but Meghann should get a kick out of it as will anyone who is married to a lawyer, has one in their family or a friend of lawyer. But I think even without that connection it will make you laugh. It did for me. I warn you it is foul mouthed, and it didn't come from me, though I think I could have written this if I wasn't in over my head in "How the F am I going to do this?" mode.
July 17th, 2009
Bar Exam Humor
Daisy’s Disclaimer: I did not write this. If I knew who to credit this to, I would do so. This won’t be funny unless you have spent a minimum of two months of your life studying for a bar exam. It contains vulgar language & crude remarks so if that is not your thing, perhaps I’ll see you for my next post? If you are still reading & haven’t taken a bar exam please let this be some insight into the insanity. (Information reprinted from: http://daisyjd.com/)
1. People who don’t record their deeds:
Hey. Fuck face. That’s a nice deed you got there. Went ahead and bought TheAcre, didya? That’s awesome. Owning property is a sign of real maturity. Now, why don’t you do us all a favor, and go record the fucking deed.
Right. Fucking. Now.
Don’t put it in a goddamn drawer. Don’t go off to India for 20 years. Don’t leave the deed in your will for dear cousin Victorianox. Get your fat lazy ass down to the records office, and record it before I burn your house down. Don’t worry, I’m not a “known” arsonist.
2: Wily property sellers:
Here is a suggestion to those Bill of Rights violatin’ petty thug ass clowns, the Police. How about you go down to the Acre, and arrest the son of a bitch who sells the same house to 15 different people, over and over. I’m sick of this guy getting away every time he pulls this shit, and I’m left to sort out the fucking pieces.
3: ‘Known’ arsonists
Here’s a little tip to all the cretins that keep hiring ‘known’ arsonists to burn down their cheating girlfriend’s house. Why is it, do you think, that he is a known arsonist? He’s “known” because he has been fucking caught before. You don’t know who the good arsonists are, do you?!Because they have their shit together. But no, you had to go hire Dusseldorf, or Durango, or whatever D word your fuckwit moron arsonist is named, and now he’s gone and burned the wrong house, and left me with a BAR question.
4: People who back out of conspiracies
Why don’t you just stick with it and save us all some trouble.
5. Power companies that leave an electric wire live to deter copper theft
While I appreciate your effort to rid the world of thieves stupid enough to try and steal raw copper wiring that’s humming and has blue arcs dancing on it, it’s just gonna bite you in the ass in the end. Just let the copper go.
6. Fertile Octogenarians
I think I speak for all of us when I say……..Burn the witch! Burn her!And don’t use a ‘known’ arsonist!
7. People who use anything more complicated than Fee Simple Absolute in a will
Hey, old man. Either give Horatio your interest in the Acre, or don’t, alright? Don’t condition it on him growing a mustache, or learning to play the calliope, or winning ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ Don’t grant a springing executive interest to Zenobia if she manages to graduate from Ninja academy. Stop making my life more complicated than it needs to be, you Narcissistic old man, and stop trying to control your property from the grave in a vain attempt to make up for your feebleness in life.
8. House Painters
Just paint the fucking house yourself, Paulson. Trust me on this one. It’s not worth it.
9. Bank Mortgages
Hi there, First National Bank of South Calizonachussettsas. I don’t mean to tell you how to run your business, but allow me to impart a bit of sage wisdom. When someone :
1) named Defaultina McBankrupstein,
2) is taking out her 17th mortgage with you,
3) on a place called Mushacre
4) so she can buy a new hat,
do NOT fucking come crying to me when the inevitable judicial foreclosure sale nets $34, a button, and some lint, all of which are devoured by the banks that are 20 miles ahead of you in creditor line. And do not ask me whether you are a junior or senior mortgagor, or whether you debt is secured, or some other bullshit I don’t understand, because the answer is always the same.
D) You are fucked. Take it like a man.
10. Wanna-be Burglars
I am sick to death of these slackjawed melon-heads deciding at 2 a.m. that they need to borrow their neighbors wrench, and are sure he ‘won’t mind’ if they saunter on over there in the middle of the night, crowbar the garage open, smash open his tool chest, and ‘borrow it.’ And then always the inevitable fucking: Did he commit Larceny/Burglary/Robbery?????? Ohhhhh, no intent!
Let him go, boys. Let the man go. So I can throw the wrench right at his goddamn teeth.
Good thing when we are really in practice we will have these Intent Goggles (c), that can magically tell us, despite every bit of evidence to the contrary, this jackass really didn’t intend to commit a crime. He genuinely thought that breaking into your neighbor’s house, stealing his car, taking a shit on his pool table, and sleeping with his wife were all part of the social covenants between good neighbors.
So 7 1/2 Days of studying. Instruction Orientation next Monday afternoon, and the fires of hell Tuesday and Wednesday. I have resloved myself to the fact that there is no way out of DM without taking this test. So I am going to nut up and do it. Now if I could only tell my body that so it would quit freaking out and sleep.. Oh well 10 days and I am free. I am going to do my best, hope I pass, and if not I am going down swinging and I will see it in February.. But lets hope not, cause I can't do this again!
July 17th, 2009
Bar Exam Humor
Daisy’s Disclaimer: I did not write this. If I knew who to credit this to, I would do so. This won’t be funny unless you have spent a minimum of two months of your life studying for a bar exam. It contains vulgar language & crude remarks so if that is not your thing, perhaps I’ll see you for my next post? If you are still reading & haven’t taken a bar exam please let this be some insight into the insanity. (Information reprinted from: http://daisyjd.com/)
1. People who don’t record their deeds:
Hey. Fuck face. That’s a nice deed you got there. Went ahead and bought TheAcre, didya? That’s awesome. Owning property is a sign of real maturity. Now, why don’t you do us all a favor, and go record the fucking deed.
Right. Fucking. Now.
Don’t put it in a goddamn drawer. Don’t go off to India for 20 years. Don’t leave the deed in your will for dear cousin Victorianox. Get your fat lazy ass down to the records office, and record it before I burn your house down. Don’t worry, I’m not a “known” arsonist.
2: Wily property sellers:
Here is a suggestion to those Bill of Rights violatin’ petty thug ass clowns, the Police. How about you go down to the Acre, and arrest the son of a bitch who sells the same house to 15 different people, over and over. I’m sick of this guy getting away every time he pulls this shit, and I’m left to sort out the fucking pieces.
3: ‘Known’ arsonists
Here’s a little tip to all the cretins that keep hiring ‘known’ arsonists to burn down their cheating girlfriend’s house. Why is it, do you think, that he is a known arsonist? He’s “known” because he has been fucking caught before. You don’t know who the good arsonists are, do you?!Because they have their shit together. But no, you had to go hire Dusseldorf, or Durango, or whatever D word your fuckwit moron arsonist is named, and now he’s gone and burned the wrong house, and left me with a BAR question.
4: People who back out of conspiracies
Why don’t you just stick with it and save us all some trouble.
5. Power companies that leave an electric wire live to deter copper theft
While I appreciate your effort to rid the world of thieves stupid enough to try and steal raw copper wiring that’s humming and has blue arcs dancing on it, it’s just gonna bite you in the ass in the end. Just let the copper go.
6. Fertile Octogenarians
I think I speak for all of us when I say……..Burn the witch! Burn her!And don’t use a ‘known’ arsonist!
7. People who use anything more complicated than Fee Simple Absolute in a will
Hey, old man. Either give Horatio your interest in the Acre, or don’t, alright? Don’t condition it on him growing a mustache, or learning to play the calliope, or winning ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ Don’t grant a springing executive interest to Zenobia if she manages to graduate from Ninja academy. Stop making my life more complicated than it needs to be, you Narcissistic old man, and stop trying to control your property from the grave in a vain attempt to make up for your feebleness in life.
8. House Painters
Just paint the fucking house yourself, Paulson. Trust me on this one. It’s not worth it.
9. Bank Mortgages
Hi there, First National Bank of South Calizonachussettsas. I don’t mean to tell you how to run your business, but allow me to impart a bit of sage wisdom. When someone :
1) named Defaultina McBankrupstein,
2) is taking out her 17th mortgage with you,
3) on a place called Mushacre
4) so she can buy a new hat,
do NOT fucking come crying to me when the inevitable judicial foreclosure sale nets $34, a button, and some lint, all of which are devoured by the banks that are 20 miles ahead of you in creditor line. And do not ask me whether you are a junior or senior mortgagor, or whether you debt is secured, or some other bullshit I don’t understand, because the answer is always the same.
D) You are fucked. Take it like a man.
10. Wanna-be Burglars
I am sick to death of these slackjawed melon-heads deciding at 2 a.m. that they need to borrow their neighbors wrench, and are sure he ‘won’t mind’ if they saunter on over there in the middle of the night, crowbar the garage open, smash open his tool chest, and ‘borrow it.’ And then always the inevitable fucking: Did he commit Larceny/Burglary/Robbery?????? Ohhhhh, no intent!
Let him go, boys. Let the man go. So I can throw the wrench right at his goddamn teeth.
Good thing when we are really in practice we will have these Intent Goggles (c), that can magically tell us, despite every bit of evidence to the contrary, this jackass really didn’t intend to commit a crime. He genuinely thought that breaking into your neighbor’s house, stealing his car, taking a shit on his pool table, and sleeping with his wife were all part of the social covenants between good neighbors.
So 7 1/2 Days of studying. Instruction Orientation next Monday afternoon, and the fires of hell Tuesday and Wednesday. I have resloved myself to the fact that there is no way out of DM without taking this test. So I am going to nut up and do it. Now if I could only tell my body that so it would quit freaking out and sleep.. Oh well 10 days and I am free. I am going to do my best, hope I pass, and if not I am going down swinging and I will see it in February.. But lets hope not, cause I can't do this again!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Michael Jackson: Mo's Tribute
I know we are all completely sick of the MJ memorials. But whatever you think of him, he is awesome. I know he got crazy, but old school MJ is so good that it evens it out for me. For those of you who don't know, I got a mean Michael Kick which I usually reserve for bars and wedding receptions for when Billie Jean is on. (I feel for baby's mama's, especially after working in child support law for a year) Unfortunately I don't think I will be able to do the kick in my wedding dress, but we will see. Well this video is from Stockholm and it is the shit.I wanted to share it before it got popular so I can take all of the credit for it. Since I may be the hippest of all the bloggers, (Well the Young sisters may be hipper, but my jokes are funnier) So Enjoy. And I know I should be studying, but the rule is that I can get on the "internets" (as Matt calls it) every couple hours for a 10 minute break...and it looks like time is up!! Enjoy!
This is cool, but We used to do this on Main Street In Holstein, or the Loop in Ida Grove, no big deal or anything...
This is cool, but We used to do this on Main Street In Holstein, or the Loop in Ida Grove, no big deal or anything...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
A Fourth of July to Remember
Well Bloggers I hope you all enjoyed the post by my contributing contributor Matt Kajewski last week. He wanted me to update and I told him I don't exactly have free time right now, so he took over. Well I haven't updated because my life sucks. I have been going to Bar Bri class and studying. As of July 3rd I completed the entire PMBR Multistate book (1500) questions and I think I am still going to fail.. oh well. 24 more days of straight studying and then it is over. Then I can post about fun still like wedding things and hopefully some summer fun in August. I have had a couple of fun things since I have been in DM. Last weekend the Kajewski family hosted a shower for me. I got some fabulous gifts. I can't wait to put all of them to good use. I also went out one night with Jo and Jessie (Matt's sister in law and sister). We had a blast. We went to the new Piano Bar here in DM, and no I did NOT do a repeat performance from graduation. I learned my lesson!
Jo, Jess, and I at Blue Moon
Well I am a border at the Shepard Home. (Martha and Jack, my dad's sister) I had planned on taking the 4th off and of course it was rainy and gross all day, great. But we still had some great food and Martha and Jack live really close to the where they light off the West Des Moines fireworks so it was great. So we decided since it was the crummiest 4th of July ever for me (bar exam and rain) the best way to brighten it up was by doing our own production and reading of the Declaration of Independence. Yes, we are all really that nerdy. Mind you we are all adults, some more adults than others (that would be me). But it was still funny and nerdy. (Notice the Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner in the background, that was planned, we had a sound guy (well Jack))Enjoy Our nerdiness!!
Jo, Jess, and I at Blue Moon
Well I am a border at the Shepard Home. (Martha and Jack, my dad's sister) I had planned on taking the 4th off and of course it was rainy and gross all day, great. But we still had some great food and Martha and Jack live really close to the where they light off the West Des Moines fireworks so it was great. So we decided since it was the crummiest 4th of July ever for me (bar exam and rain) the best way to brighten it up was by doing our own production and reading of the Declaration of Independence. Yes, we are all really that nerdy. Mind you we are all adults, some more adults than others (that would be me). But it was still funny and nerdy. (Notice the Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner in the background, that was planned, we had a sound guy (well Jack))Enjoy Our nerdiness!!
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